Just a quick post to share that today, for the first time, when I thought about getting pregnant again I felt hope and excitement first before paralyzing fear.
It doesn't mean the feeling will last (although I hope it will), as I have found that grief=a severe mood swing problem. I can go from sad, okay (I hesitate to say happy at this point), guilty, scared, etc in minutes. As some might tell you (eh hem...I know you are reading) I always could "turn on a dime" anyway.
The love and light of Emma will always be present, but here's hoping for some rainbows in the future too.
P.S. A living baby after a stillbirth is called a Rainbow Baby...a rainbow after the storm
We will never EVER forget Emma (I'll never forget those long legs of hers just like her Mommy and Daddy! :)) and she will always be an angel baby that will never leave you and Britt, but you guys are meant for rainbows. And your Rainbow Babies, however many there may be, will always know about their big sister Emma and how beautiful she was. Their aunt will never stop remembering Emma and talking about her with them, too.
ReplyDeleteI love you,
Sister
Feelings change.... sad to happy to scared to anxious...that is life. And that is also the blessing and miracle that is the first thread of healing. I have friends who have described feeling hopeful and then guilty for feeling happy momentarily. All are to be expected. But in my opinion, I will take hopeful, even if momentary, any day! Sarah, you, Britt, and Emma are so loved and held lovingly in our arms!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your rainbow baby for whenever you're ready to take that step. Praying that you find more joy than anxiety during that pregnancy and get the opportunity to greet him or her on earth before heaven!
ReplyDeleteI can change moods quickly also. It's annoying to me that I'm okay sometimes and sometimes really not okay and I don't always know why--there may not be a catalyst to identify aside from continuous sadness over losing Luke. I'm glad you were able to feel excitement about a rainbow baby. I do too.
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