Balance

Recently an inspirational mama, and talented etsy shop owner (check out her beautiful hand stamped pieces here!), posted a giveaway on Instagram asking which word or Bible verse you would choose to represent 2015 for yourself. The word "balance" immediately came to mind. I have always been someone who struggles with saying no and takes on way more than I should. Having a newborn baby really brought this into perspective. I've realized that I need to cut some things out and find balance in my life. I can't and don't need to do it all, and I want to make sure that what I am doing I am doing well--first and foremost being a wife and mommy.

Before I started this sacred space for Emma I had another blog, A T-Shirt and Pearls. The more time I put into On A Butterfly's Wings the less I put into A T-Shirt and Pearls. Along with everything else I've committed myself to, managing two blogs was too much. The time factor aside, I didn't have the energy or desire to blog about "trivial" things when I had so much raw aching emotion I needed to work through here. Keeping the word "balance" in mind, I have decided to stop pretending that I plan to write again on A T-Shirt and Pearls, and I will be consolidating everything here onto On A Butterfly's Wings.

The grief over Emma's death is still real and present, but it is no longer my only identity. My story is changing and growing, and On A Butterfly's Wings will represent that. There will still be posts dealing with grief and sharing about my sweet Emma, but there will be other posts too. Recipes, DIY projects, baby stuff. On A Butterfly's Wings is where I found myself again and I will continue to share myself here. This blog will change as I have changed.

I hope that you will continue to visit with me here. I hope we can connect whether we're aching, hoping, living, loving, or just having a little fun. Thank you for sharing in my journey. xoxo

Life Lately

It's been quite awhile since I have really written on this blog. The third trimester of pregnancy was hard for me. In addition to the physical discomforts, I had a lot of anxiety about Lilah's birth. It is very hard to prepare to give birth to a living child when your only experience is giving birth to a child who has passed away. My coping mechanism was to shut down and cling to what was close and comfortable. Finding the words and sharing them here wasn't something I wanted to do.

Then came November 24, the day that my bright beautiful rainbow was born. The first few weeks were tough. Really tough. There were the physical aspects of recovering from a c-section and the emotional aspects of getting to know Lilah and learning to mother her, all while feeling the rawness of Emma's death all over again. Not to mention learning how to breastfeed--man that was hard!

Lilah is now 8 weeks old and I can finally say that I have the hang of things. I love spending my days with her and I love her more and more each day. The fog of the first few weeks has worn off and (most days) I actually feel like this is my life. It's such a strange dichotomy, parenting one child who is living and one who is not. It's hard.

Here's a picture of Lilah that I took this morning. She has grown so much!